


lost.

by o0JayWolf0o



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Death, Depression, Falling In Love, Human/Troll Relationship, Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Music Mixing, Trolls on Earth, car crash, um thats it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 14:43:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12937470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0JayWolf0o/pseuds/o0JayWolf0o
Summary: Karkat was his everything - his sun, his world, the love and light of his life, and he didn't know what he'd do without him.Until he was forced to find out.





	lost.

**Author's Note:**

> tw for death paranoia and depression   
>  i didnt proofread this

Dave didn’t have friends.

Well, he did have friends, but to the degree of what most parents would consider friends, he had none. Instead, he had internet friends, and he much preferred talking to any of them than the bastards that littered his sad, low-payment school. Seriously, was it that hard to fix the locks on the bathroom stalls? We need some fucking privacy!

Fortunately, his Bro didn’t give a shit how many or who his friends were. They could be leaders of gangs or simply nonexistent for all he cared. All he wanted was for Dave to strife him so he could grow up stronger than any of the dumb punks in his school and maybe show them how funny mom jokes  _ really _ were with a fist to the face. Also, Dave, as far as he knew, didn’t have a mom. People made fun of him for that. He didn’t really care.

He had about 15 friends. His main group was him, his best friend John, Rose, and Jade. They were all pretty cool. His secondary group consisted of the weirdest people he’d ever spoken to, but he still liked them. They went by Aradia, Tavros, Sollux, Karkat, Nepeta, Kanaya, Terezi, Vriska, Equius, Gamzee, Eridan, and Feferi. To be honest, he rarely spoke to about half of them, but a few he was pretty good friends with (Karkat, Sollux, Gamzee, Terezi, Eridan, Aradia, and Kanaya). Sollux was pretty cool, Gamzee was hilarious, Terezi made memes with him, Eridan.. Eridan was Eridan, Aradia liked dead shit, and Kanaya was nice to talk to. Karkat was the one he spent the most time with, however, and that was for the simple fact that they were dating.

Every day, Dave would speak to Karkat on and off, usually dicking around and playing games with him. Not one day had they not exchanged word, while he could go weeks without talking to Eridan or Jade. And still, every night, even if Karkat was asleep, he reminded him that he loved him before falling into the depths of slumber.

And it was true. It may actually be unhealthy, for how much Dave loved him. Karkat was, quite literally, his  _ world, _ and he woke in the mornings because Karkat did and fell asleep after he did. Many of his decisions were influenced by the boy, and his thoughts, every day, usually consisted of something about him. His stomach constantly was filled with butterflies, his chest and cheeks warm during class and he buried his face in his arms when it was too much.

Something that had almost made him curl up and cry was the simple yet overbearing fact that he would probably never meet Karkat offline. Being 13, there was no way he could get anywhere, and there was no way Bro would  _ let _ him go anywhere anyway. Karkat’s parent’s were strict too, and even if they could meet he wouldn’t want to subject his boyfriend to the horrors of living with Bro.

Rose had questioned him, long after he’d fallen in love but long before he’d had the courage to ask Karkat out, about him. Dave hadn’t told anyone he wanted to go out with Karkat, obviously, but Rose, cunning as she was, saw through his bullshit ramblings and was the one to get them together. He couldn’t thank her enough.

In the present, Dave sat as his computer, a fresh bottle of apple juice tucked under his arm, sweat still beading on his forehead from his strife with Bro and clothing sticking to his skin. He uncapped his bottle, reading the conversation he’d just had with Kanaya once more.

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:13 PM --   
GA: Dave   
GA: Rose Has Informed Me That You Have Been Acting Very Strange Lately   
GA: She Has Requested I Speak With You About It   
TG: dont know what you mean man   
TG: im as fresh as a fucking apple picked right off the tree   
TG: not even washed   
GA: Rose Says For Lack Of A Better Way Of Phrasing To “Cut The Shit”   
TG: wait are you talking to her as you talk to me   
GA: Yes   
TG: damn   
TG: anyway im being serious i dont know what you mean   
GA: She Says Youve Been Acting Strange About Karkat   
TG: what am i talking about him too much   
TG: we both know i do that too much anyway   
GA: You Havent Talked About Him At All Actually These Past Few Days   
TG: huh   
TG: i mean   
TG: is that such a big deal   
GA: Yes   
GA: If You Have Lost Interest In Him It Would Be Wise To Tell Him So Instead Of Leading Him On   
GA: He Is Fragile We All Know   
TG: how could i ever lose interest in him   
TG: he is literally the light of my life    
TG: honestly what kind of man do you take me for   
TG: a het   
GA: I Have To Go And Assist Gamzee   
GA: He Is   
GA: And I Quote   
GA: hAVING A BREAKDOWN OVER, uH, cHEETOS,,,   
GA: I Apologize For Cutting Our Conversation Short   
TG: its chill   
TG: go save that man and his cheeto crisis   
GA: Okay   
\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:41 PM --

Dave didn’t really want to admit that he’d been acting differently, but like Rose had assumed, he’d been pretty on edge lately. It wasn’t for any specific reason, but he was just generally scared that, maybe,  _ maybe _ Karkat would break up with him. He really, really fucking hoped that wasn’t the case - hell,  _ obviously _ it wasn’t, Karkat just couldn’t sum up in long paragraphs how much he loved Dave! That shouldn’t be a worry whatsoever! In fact, usually Karkat began conversations and said “I love you” first!

A ping at Dave’s desktop brought him to the present, and he took a long drag of his apple juice. He had hoped it was Karkat, who had said previously that he’d be back from a shopping trip in about an hour (it had been four hours and there was no sign of him), but instead it was Sollux.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:12 PM --   
TA: have you 2een KK    
TG: hes at a shopping trip last i heard   
TG: which was four hours ago   
TG: why do you need him   
TA: u2ually ii teach hiim codiing 2hiit on wedne2day2    
TA: he ha2n’t 2aiid 2hiit though   
TG: yeah im kind of worried   
TA: he’ll be fiine   
TA: KK ii2 the mo2t iinde2trucatble piiece of 2hiit ii have ever met   
TA: legiit have exploded hii2 computer at LEA2T 3 tiime2 before and he’2 come back wiithout a 2iingle 2cratch   
TG: if you say so   
TG: anyway whats up   
TA: nothiing really   
TA: ju2t fuckiing around wiith 2ome “iill doxx you” kiid2 onliine    
TG: haha   
TG: those fuckers go running to their parents with tomato faces when you get at them   
TG: i was about to mix some music   
TA: thiink you can 2end me the 2cratche2 when you do iit?   
TG: hell yeah   
TG: anyway im gonna go set up    
TA: kk   
TA: tell me iif you hear from KK   
TG: can do   
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 3:29 PM --

Sollux  _ loved _ his mixes - that much was apparent. Each time he publicly scratched on a Discord server, Sollux was the first one to arrive - no questions asked. He saved every mix and listened to them in his spare time, and was probably his best friend without Egderp in the equation.

He gathered up is gear and turned everything on before looking through his list of music for what to mix. He chose a sample of someone yelling “Yeehaw!” and  _ Zomboy & Eptic - Bop It _ before beginning to record. At first, he just fucked around with it, not using the sample whatsoever and remixing the song, before playing something else and scratching. His fingers slid over his records, head bobbing lightly to the beat. This was familiar, and for a time, it distracted him from his worry over Karkat. Once he got bored, however, exactly 30 minutes and 31 second later, he stopped mixing and sent his file to Sollux.

Then, he checked on Karkat, despite Pesterchum displaying him as offline.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 4:02 PM --   
TG: hey man   
TG: youve been gone for forever and im kind of maybe worried even thought yknow i know youre fine   
TG: karkat   
TG: cmon man   
TG: dont make me do the thing where i draw out the vowels in your name   
TG: ill do it   
TG: kaaaaaaarkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat   
TG: fuck   
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 4:38 PM --

Dave was… really worried at this point. There had never been a time Karkat had ignored him,  _ ever _ , so he was either mad, his phone had been taken, or something really bad had happened.

To distract himself, he drew some shitty sketches that he tried to not make shitty of his friends before ultimately messaging Terezi and dicking around with her. When it became unbearable, he messaged John, but as soon as he found out something was wrong he clicked off and sat up, leaving his computer for the night. 

His stomach aching, he tip-toed through the house, dead silent, and peeked into the cabinets before smirking. He saw a can of fruit, fresh from the store, in the pantry. Taking it, he used the edge of his blade to open the top as soon as he entered his room, draining the fruity juices before eating the cocktail without a spoon. At least he didn’t grab it with his hands.  _ That _ shit was disgusting. 

And now, it had been 7 hours since his last appearance, when he finally received a notification from Karkat. Something was wrong, though - something was horribly wrong, and he could feel it.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 6:13 --   
CG: Hello?   
TG: oh god   
TG: karkat you worried me so fucking much im so glad youre okay   
CG: I’m not Karkat.   
TG: what   
TG: who are you   
TG: where is he   
CG: I am Molly Graver, someone you probably don’t know. I’ve decided to contact you solely because you are the first on this list of chumps.   
CG: I assume, though, that by Karkat you are referring to a troll with very small, nubby horns and a gray Cancer zodiac symbol on his shirt?   
TG: yes thats him where is he and can i speak to him   
CG: I’m sincerely sorry. I discovered this phone while we searched the aftermath of a brutal car crash, resulting in the death of Karkat and his lusus, as well as two other unknown humans in the opposite car.   
CG: I thought it might be wise to tell his friends what has happened.   
TG: this isnt fucking funny   
CG: I can assure you I am not lying.   
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent a file troll_teen_killed_in_car_crash.txt --   
TG: no   
TG: this cant be happening   
CG: Again, I am sorry.    
TG: i   
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 6:19 PM --

He denied it at first, sat back and stared at his trembling hands with a mellow sadness. And then, when it got too much, he shut himself off from the world, going rigid and standing up, opening his window and staring out. His chest was empty, as if it had been filled (it had, but his filling was gone, he was nothing, his world just shrivelled up and died) once. His hands were cold, as if his blood had stopped circulating, yet his heart still beat at a steady, calming pace. Outside, noises of the city floated to his ears, though they were oddly muted, distant, like hearing through water.

He should be freaking out, he realized, and his body kicked itself into its senses.

Dave wanted to deny the tear that slowly trekked down his cheek.

He began messaging anyone - everyone, even Vriska - about it. He sent them one message, however: “karkat vantas is dead” with the file attatched. His vision, someway through his spam, began to waver and blur, tears clouding his senses and his whole body wracked with grief. And once he messaged Feferi, the last person on his chumroll, he fell to his knees, no longer being able to support the suddenly heavy weight of his body, and began to grieve.

He doesn’t know, for once, how much time passed. His sense of time was gone, his sense of reality was distorted, and he didn’t know what to do. Pings of Pesterchum messages became white noise as he screamed and kicked and he’s sure Bro would be disappointed but Dave couldn’t handle it and-

He punched the wall, inhaling deeply and trying to prevent his upcoming hyperventilation, but it was prolonged, and Dave...

Dave was truly, for the first time in his life,  _ lost. _

His entire reason for living was  _ gone. _ He found no joy in anything now, knowing Karkat was gone.

And so he lived on from that day, completely disconnected from reality, and completely and utterly **lost.**

**Author's Note:**

> this is based off my own paranoia but my bf is ok unlike poor karkles   
>  if it makes you feel better this is fiction and my writing is shit   
>  kudos and comments are appreciated   
>  [ tumblr ](https://o0jaywolf0o.tumblr.com)


End file.
